“Don’t play
with the microwave!” I called out to my
5 year-old Sophia, as I turned over in my comfy bed to snooze for just a few more
minutes.
The next
thing I know, the smell of something burning reached my nose. I scrambled to my
feet, and ran down the narrow stairway leading to our kitchen below.
There I
found my eldest attempting to microwave her breakfast, all by herself, because
she is strong and independent like that.
The colorful sprinkle covered pancakes from our special “breakfast for dinner”
the night before, were now pure black instead.
The pancakes were also smoking excessively inside of a CLOSED plastic
container in the microwave.
As I inspected
the damage, I turned to the miniature version of myself and exclaimed with
impatience, “You can’t play with the microwave!
We almost had a fire!”
Billows of
smoke filled our kitchen so I quickly opened the back door and windows to air
out the house, while my daughter ran to her room dramatically wailing in tears
over what she had done.
Sophia's room is
her place to regroup and calm down when emotions get the best of her. I immediately went to Sophia, telling her it
was ok, but also explaining the seriousness of what just happened. I knew she had learned her lesson.
Then, as I
reached out to console Sophia, she pushed me away. She did not want to accept
my love, my forgiveness, my embrace.
At that
moment, I saw myself in my daughter.
So many
times when I make a mistake, when I struggle, when I have done something I am
not proud of, when I sin - I want to push others away. I want to even push God away. I want to
punish myself.
“I messed
up. I am a mess. I don’t deserve love.”
In the ugly moments of real life I often think these thoughts… But these
thoughts are not the TRUTH.
On that crazy
Wednesday morning, I held Sophia tight and pulled her close onto my lap,
knowing she needed to hear, receive, and learn some truths about who she is and
who God is.
She is ACCEPTED…
even in her mistakes.
She is
LOVED… even when she has done something unlovely.
She is FORGIVEN...
where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.
God is
patiently working to teach me these powerful truths, and I so earnestly want to
teach them to my children.
As I held Sophia
tight, she gradually relaxed into my arms and began to receive my love, listen
to my voice, and believe that what I was saying was true. I told her, “It’s ok my girl. It’s ok.
Sometimes things like this happen to the best of us. I love you so much.”
And then my
day as mommy continued on - full steam ahead!
I cleaned
multiple potty accidents off the floor, bought a big supply of groceries,
cooked for my family, cleaned, did laundry, settled frustrations between my two
daughters, encouraged my then 2 year old
to “pee pee in the potty” over and over again…You know, the normal…
And I also
snapped! I spoke impatiently to my
loving husband over something silly – not my most proud moment. No, not at all…
On that rough Wednesday, my husband offered acceptance, love, and forgiveness to me in spite of my sin, and yet I would not reach out and take it. I felt too undeserving…
And then suddenly,
I realized. I was responding just like my
daughter, who just hours earlier wanted to push away my love. There I was doing the same thing, but to my
husband. In my sin,
in my mistake, in my unlovely mess, I began to push away the love of my beloved,
who loves me more than any other human on the earth.
Later in
the evening, once my girls were sleeping soundly, I retreated to my secret
place to pour out my heart to God. Even
in my heart, I wanted to push God away too.
My heart
was too UGLY.
My
unloveliness TOO MUCH.
My sin so BIG.
Yet God
spoke strong from the book of James, “Draw near
to God, and He will draw near to you.”
And I
broke.
In my mess, in my sin, I turned
to God, and He came. He showed
up. He comes like He promises He will. He
came, scooped me into His comforting lap, held me close and whispered truths to my heart...
I am ACCEPTED…
even in my mistakes.
I am LOVED…
even when I have done something unlovely.
I am FORGIVEN...
where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.
God powerfully used
this day as a reminder to me that even when I try to push away His love, He pursues me and is
greater!
His love is patient and kind.
His Word
eternal and all powerful to break through.
His
presence and nearness constant.
And even
when my heart condemns me, He is greater than my heart.
I am
thankful for these truths and that He never gives up on me.
I hope and pray this testimony encourages you today, wherever
you are at on your journey with the Lord.
Love this post.
ReplyDeleteSo true... so clear... so real!
ReplyDeleteBless you my dear !!!
Thank you Laura! what a wonderful story! Blessings!
ReplyDeletebeautiful!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Laura! I saw your mom yesterday at the annual PW Fall Gathering. She encouraged me to check out your latest blog post. So glad I did! My husband and I continue to keep your family in our prayers. We look forward to your return visit to Pleasant Ridge PCUSA. God bless and keep your family!
ReplyDelete